Explaining Death To Children

What to say to a child when someone has died

Explain to children that dead means the body stopped working.  When the person or animals is alive, the body is doing its work.  The body makes the person or animal breathe, move, eat, see, hear, touch, smell, talk, play, think, feel.  Dead means the body stopped working.  They heart stops beating, and breathing stops.  The person or animal can not see, feel, touch, taste, talk, play, think or eat anymore.  It looks like the person or animal is asleep, but isn't sleeping and the person or animal cannot wake up.

The person or animal who died does not need their body anymore.  That special part of what we loved so much about the person or animal is called the soul.  It is where all the specialness is and when a body stops working, the soul goes to live with the angels (or whatever your belief is).

Children have the right to go to a funeral or memorial service.  The child can choose.  Prepare the child carefully and tell factually what the process is like and what is going to happen.

Explain that because the body isn't working anymore and the soul is now with the angels (or whatever you believe) two things can happen to the body.  The body is put into a wooden box called a coffin.  After the service the coffin can either be put deep into a deep hole in a graveyard.  The hole gets covered by ground and loved ones can go  back to the grave and put flowers on afterwards.  Something else that can happen to the body which is not working and which is in the coffin, is that it gets burned or cremated.  Afterwards the ashes are given to the loved ones and the ashes can be kept in a beautiful container or spread somewhere special.

It is good for adults and children to say good bye and several things can be done:

• Write a letter to the dead person/ animal
• Draw a picture for the dead person/ animal
• Make a card for the dead person/ animal
• Plant a tree, put a wind chime, bird-bath, etc in the garden in memory of the person/ animal.
• Children have the right to say good bye to their loved ones and with preparation can see the body.  Children are very in-tuned and resilient and the more we honestly include them on the workings of life, the more we learn from them.

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